Well, overwhelming something

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love."
-Washington Irving

Obligatory Things-I-Will-Probably-Not-Do list

1. Keep a neater apartment.
2. Sing on stage, a real stage, not a karaoke stage. Just one song is good.
3. Pay off my mother-effing credit cards.
4. Travel somewhere by myself.
5. Keep sewing.
6. Make decisions because I want to make them, not because I should want to make them.
7. Write more.
8. Take a real class - for more than one day.
9. Work on my fitness.
10. Play more.

a.n.t.s.

Dude, I hate me some ants. They are cah-razy invasive, way too squirrely-quick (yes, it's a real word) and there are always one or two bionic survivors.

This evening, we were invaded by itty-bitty, tiny ants. MILLIONS OF THEM. We had no ant spray and when I looked up pet-friendly ant removal remedies, the solution I found included sprinkling chili powder all over the floor. Are you fucking kidding me? Can you imagine the results in cat and dog if they ingested said chili pepper?

Some sort of cleaning fluid was our eventual answer. But, now, I feel like this:

(photo credit)

Now for something more positive

My co-worker shared this with me today

for serious though

I've been thinking a lot about relationships and people that purposely make you feel bad about yourself. I get it when it's accidental - I think I'm definitely guilty of that sometimes. Honesty is double-edged sword and I often forget to fully think about what I say before I say it. I also understand that as I get older, the people I know and surround myself with get more and more set in their ways. It becomes harder to be tolerant of differences in tastes, behavior, etc.

However, I have a handful of people in my life that will once in awhile say straight-up mean things, clearly intending to do harm. Things that I don't notice at first, but on recollection realize their intent. Things that aren't worth confrontation, but that add up to a fairly nasty package.

My musing here, and my hurt feelings, leads to this: At what point do I put my arm out and push a little? Separate myself from wanting these people to be close to me? Am I overestimating my relationships with these people?

And on a different note: Why, at 31, is it still so easy to get hurt feelings? When will I grow this thicker skin?

looking for a job...

...is hard.

especially when you're not unemployed. It doesn't help to hear "you're lucky you have a job now" from most of the people closest to you. jerks. I understand it's great that I have a job, but it doesn't make me evil to want a different one. It's not like I'm forcing people out of jobs to get one. sheesh.

especially from far away. I don't understand why people can't just be supportive. Just because I want to make a change doesn't mean that I think they suck for not wanting to do so. Everyone is different, that's why life is cool - me wanting to move on is not an insult to those who don't want that.

ps - I can't wait for glee to be on.

it will make sense soon

I'm in a drastic change cycle. My favorite part of life. If I didn't crave companionship so much and if I didn't love my husband so much, I'd just hop around the world.

ass-in-gear

I have all this shit to do and it sucks. I also have a significant procrastination problem, so I'm going to start writing things down in the hopes that I'll actually doing them.

These are the problems, and the deadlines.

1. I have a major exam to take on June 5, which I'm thinking about pushing up to the third week in May. I am taking a class for 4 looooooong days to prepare for this bitch. I'm nervous to fail, especially because work is paying for it and I'm paying for the class. So.. for 2 days every week until the test, I'm going to study for 3 hours. Every other day, I will study during my lunch hour. Mark my words here. That gives me about 40 hours of study time and 32 hours of class before the exam.

2. I need to dedicate some solid time to the "lose my big ass" plan. Before summer starts. I weigh more now than I ever have. I don't like it. But I like food, so more exercise, a lot more exercise is necessary. PRONTO. I was doing the 30-day shred by Jillian Michaels and was killing it. Then I got sick and slid right out of control again. I feel better now, so I'm starting again.

3. I have a steady freelance job that requires and extra 30 hours of work per month. I've got this under control, but I'm worried it will slip with the other 2 big responsibilities.

So - once a week, I'm going to check in with my progress. Every Sunday. every.single.sunday.

vacation rentals

I really want to spend a week in an Outer Banks, NC house. I've always wanted to. Wild horses, house with a kajillion decks, 4wd-access only, secluded beach--all of these things sound awesome. I've been on vrbo.com looking at these places and they look awesome. I'd like the following breakdown:
-3 or 4 couples, or not - really just 6-10 people.
-No kids (unless they are babies and super-cool and fun).
-Dogs. Mine and at least one other. But they should all get along. This is a key problem in one couple I'd like to vacation with. Their dog is not nice. Especially to other dogs. Here's the problem with this plan:
1. Picking who goes. All the mens and all the womens need to get along. Even better if all the sexes can intermingle (not in a dirty way!)
2. Getting all those people to be able to take a week off work at the same time.
3. Figuring out the organizer in this grand scheme of things. I would do so, but not sure if I can hack it. People annoy the shit out of me and I don't like dealing with minutia that belongs to others.
4. I don't think I know anyone with a 4wd. Renting such a vehicle would be expy$$.
Really, these are not huge problems - just more effort-filled tasks that I don't want to do.

Moral of this stupid-ass story: Someone should invite me, my husband and my dog on an Outer Banks vacay.

another list

Blogging isn't the only thing I've been slacking off with.*

This is what my to-do list looks like:

1. Call the Contractor about the kitchen
2. Start new freelance article (due 3/16)
3. Give the dog a bath - he smells like a foot
4. Clean something, anything
5. Call the guy to do our taxes
6. Work on my new project (I'd say look for a post soon, but let's be realistic - look for a post in 6-9 months)
7. Sit down with the hubs and make a real budget/figure out our new financial plan (it's only been almost 2 years since we agreed to do this...)
8. Clean out the basement
9. Take photos of bike, elliptical, furniture, and clothes to sell on craigslist or ebay
10. Replace living room light fixture
11. Call my out-of-state friends (I would be satisfied if I made 2 calls, but I have about 14 on the call-back list. At this rate, I'll have no friends.)
    

I would like to delegate some of this, but the man's list looks quite the same and I don't know who else would do any of this crap.

*not entirely true. miltonaday has been updated every day of 2009 (with a little maneuvering from vacation on my part)

Well, it's been awhile

I think that my busy has left me uninspired to write anything. So, in an effort to get back into it - I will start with some lists.

5 things that made me happy today
1. Melted Gorgonzola cheese
2. My new hat
3. Having a nice conversation with my mom
4. Cooking buffalo successfully
5. Getting a fun present from my husband

5 things that made me sad today
1. Going back to work after 2 weeks off
2. Wind. Cold. More wind
3. Daily idiots
4. How tired I am
5. No one handed me $1 million

Confession

The Duggars captivate me. I am obsessed with all of these J-named chilluns. They are some God-fearing folks in a way that I can't get with and they all have bad hair, but I can't get enough. Part of me wants to learn all of their names in chronological order.

The oldest son and his wedding story also intrigue me. I just spent the last 20 minutes on his website. Also, their Walmart registry is available online. They asked for coca-cola products (including Gatorade). I have no words.

Seriously. I cannot get enough of these people and I can't pinpoint why. I'm both concerned for my well-being and anxious to see which Duggar strays from the quiver-ful lifestyle first.

Hyphen

Today, my co-worker told me the story of a person named La-a. Guess how La-a prounounces their name?

La-dash-a.

You pronounce the dash.

Why not La-hyphen-a?